you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
