we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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