I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
