i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
