Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
