we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
