We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is Oprah even human
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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