Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The adults are the big ones right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
