I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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