i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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