About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
