When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
