Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
