dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
