Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
