no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
