at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
