38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
