I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
