my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
