She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
