you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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