You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
