I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
