How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
