If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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