i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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