So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
