woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
