I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
