Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
