any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
