I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
