i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
