i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
