That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
