Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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