Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
