i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
