am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
