It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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