I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
