you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
