My cat gives me a boner
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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