Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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