someone threw a dead crab at me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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