I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
