textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
