i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
