You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
