I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
