I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
