So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
