she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
