I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
wow bdsm is so cute
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
