Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
